MAN oh man. i would really like to have a nice big cry. really. but why? you've done nothing to me.
that's the thing..you've done nothing. in what i want so desperatly to hear.
i want to hear that you feel the exact same way as i do. but i know, deep down in my heart that you never will.
that you will always just want to fuck.
that my body is more interesting than anything else i have to offer.
i know your calling me so that i'll come over and we can use one of the 100 condoms that your buying bulk today at Sam's Club.
But, I still go on with it because i love those moments where i just feel so incredibly sexy, beautiful, and cared for after the sex. the sex is truly amazing.
man, i cant bring myself to cry, because i know i'm not in love with you yet. but i do know that i am falling in love. i feel myself getting closer to caring about you. everyone has warned me,
"GET HIM TO ASK YOU TO BE OFFICIAL" , even his bestfriend has told me its dangerous. i KNOW that..i know. i'm not stupid.
never the less, i choose to ignore everyone because i just want you so bad. all the time.
I'm just hoping too much, expectations kill me. i'm always dissapointed.
theres two ways to look at this:
1) i could go on with what we're doing. because i have so much fun with you, and you areso different then all the other boys. i'm really not interested in anybody else, so why stop? i only want you.
2) i could stop what we're doing fast. it's like ripping off a bandaid. i'm still at that point where i can leave you, and move on. i'll probably be lonley and want to call you so bad, but i'll eventually find another boy who will make me feel the same as you do. or even better.
regardless what road i choose, i lost my virginity to you. for the first time in my life, i got close as i can possibly get with another person. the most important thing i could ever give you i gave.
I feel so innocent and naive and you are so experienced and wise. i hate it because that gives you the upper hand automatically.
If we were to start something, i would be like a love struck puppy. you would be the one trying to run away while i keep running back.
i can picture us right now. me always loving you, always following you. and you..you just being you. always being you. there would be no US. because i know your too independent for that. your way to involved with yourself to ever love me.
i know that. however, i would still like to try. because i feel the way i do about you, and i figure if i feel this strongly to the point where i ALMOST want to cry. that means something. nobody can make me feel that way. because you see, i'm very
into myself as well.
i've never been in a serious relationship. do i want to try it?...yes. yeah i do. with you. i can tell that you want me, the way you look at me.
Your such a fucking nerd though!! you play diablo, and read horticulture books for FUN. you are more interested in your fucking art than to be fucking me. you say the most random factsthat most people don't care about. you say "bruddah" ...
REALLY WHO ARE YOU!?? and honestly, why are you so goddamn attractive.
It's not the way you look for me, in fact i think your a little tooo pretty. i think thats why you get alot of girls easily because you have a pretty face. you have an amazing body. blah blah. but, hey guess what theres more to you that none of those stupid slutty girls know. youre so weird and it's like a geek trapped in a sex god's body.
You truly are the perfect guy for me! hahaha i love that your intelligent. that you have more and more to say. you are the furthest from being boring. thats why i follow you because i'm so facinated by you. i'm sexually attracted to your words and thoughts.
In conclusion, (because i'm getting tired of writing about you and i feel alot better btw!) I just want end in two quotes:
"Words will aways be just words. Love is just another four letter word. only the feeling is real"
and
"If your going to fall in love, try to make your relationship one that generates great spiritual creativity , one that is mutually enriching"
I'm torn between the two right now, but i'm leaning towards the relationship side. because for the first time in my 18 years of life. i have never wanted another person to be in my life more than you.
HOWEVER, i know that for now you are definitley definitley not ready for that talk. and thats okay.
because i love that you are still interested in me, that i haven't become boring to you yet. i hope i never do <3
all i wish is that.
